Thank you so much for joining us! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.
From always getting fit into the incorrect bra size, having to wear multiple sports bras for support, and wearing baggy clothes just to fit my breasts, I was a frustrated consumer my whole life. Three years ago, in Sydney, Australia, while wearing the only (poorly fitted) bra I owned, the strap broke off while I was in the street. I had no idea what to do, let alone where to find a new bra. A quick Google search for DD+ stores led me to “Brava Lingerie,” a small bra boutique that changed my life. Finally, after 22 long years, I was fitted into my correct size. I was shocked to find out I had jumped from a 32DDD to a UK 30H cup. I’ve never felt more secure, supported, confident, and beautiful than I did in that moment. I went home, started a YouTube channel and started telling EVERYONE I knew about this bra and my life-changing experience. After the brand owner saw the video, they reached out and asked me if I would be interested in a collaborative partnership. It was the easiest yes ever! From that day on, I established a platform to educate women on proper fitting techniques and shared information about bras and brands that cater to fuller-bust women, including myself. I started to get more and more brand deals, and here I am, three years later, still completely head over heels excited about teaching people about the power of well-fitted lingerie.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you hope that they might help people along their path to self-understanding or a better sense of wellbeing in their relationships?
I have several exciting projects in the works! One of the most intimate projects I’ve taken on thus far is my brand-new retreats, focusing on body positivity. I’ve created a space for women to feel relaxed, free and confident as they are. Through various exercises and workshops, we aim to help attendees shift their perspective on their bodies and learn to truly love themselves. After successfully hosting the first retreat this past fall, we’ve decided to hold these retreats twice per year in the UK, with hopes of expanding to the USA and Canada in 2025.
Another exciting project I’m currently working on is creating my very own intimates brand. This has been a long-time dream of mine. With extensive knowledge of current products in the market, I am able to identify the gaps and pain points that need addressing. With the launch of my brand, I intend to blow everyone away with the most evolved bra on the market to date.
Do you have a personal story that you can share with our readers about your struggles or successes along your journey of self-understanding and self-love? Was there ever a tipping point that triggered a change regarding your feelings of self acceptance?
My biggest struggle with self-confidence came from loving my breasts. There was a time when I actually HATED my breasts so much, I couldn’t even look in the mirror. I thought they were ugly and I avoided them at all costs. This disconnection from my body left me feeling lost, and uncertain of how to cultivate self-love. Embarking on my content creator journey became a transformative decision, urging me to discover ways to love myself. I thought, “How can I tell people to be confident when I can’t even look at myself in the mirror.” I said “Enough is enough” and called the one person who has always been by my side, my aunty, healer and Body Talk Practitioner, Tyla Johnston. We spent two hours together, standing in front of a mirror, engaging in a practice that helped me release all the negative thoughts and labels that have been put on me. We concluded with one simple, yet powerful daily ritual: ‘’Look at yourself in the mirror, stare at every part of you naked, and say the words ‘I love you’.’’
From that day forward, my entire mindset changed. I would be lying if I said it wasn’t incredibly difficult at first. Learning to love yourself is not a linear path; it is normal to have many bad days and shed MANY tears. However, the magic of saying the words “I love you” to yourself is like nothing I have ever felt before. Now, I am now the most confident I have ever been in all areas of my life.
According to a recent study cited in Cosmopolitan, in the US, only about 28 percent of men and 26 percent of women are “very satisfied with their appearance.” Could you talk about what some of the causes might be, as well as the consequences?
I believe it all comes down to being ‘people pleasers’ and caring too much about what other people think of you. If you don’t have a good relationship with yourself, you will allow everybody else’s opinion of you to cloud your judgment. Everyone will always have an opinion, and it is exhausting to think you have to be who they want you to be. In order to change that, you have to do your own inner work (as simple as saying “I love you” to yourself every day while looking in the mirror naked), because once you love yourself, nothing else matters. You can be whoever you want and YOU will be happy because you get to be unapologetically you.
To some, the concept of learning to truly understand and “love yourself,” may seem like a cheesy or trite concept. But it is not. Can you share with our readers a few reasons why learning to love yourself it’s truly so important?
Loving yourself means that you will live your life how you want to, without anybody stopping you. Once you truly love yourself, you know your worth, your boundaries and what you want, eliminating your fear of going after what you truly want in life. With the rise of social media and societal expectations, it isn’t easy to love yourself these days. Between unrealistic body standards and transient fashion trends…it can all feel exhausting. But when you put in the work and start to love yourself for who you are..all that crap goes away. You don’t feel anxious anymore because you are confident, you don’t feel like you need to look a certain way because you know you are beautiful, and you get to live your life knowing that everything will be okay because you trust yourself. Loving yourself has been seen as “selfish” for way too long. It is the complete opposite! It is the ONE thing you can do for yourself that you have control over. By learning to love yourself, you will have the BEST life.
Why do you think people stay in mediocre relationships? What advice would you give to our readers regarding this?
Staying in mediocre relationships boils down to two key factors: communication and self-worth. Starting with communication, if you struggle to convey your thoughts effectively with your partner, take the initiative to improve. Communication is the one and only thing that has saved many of my relationships. It’s crucial to express your feelings openly, avoiding blame but providing understanding. Remember, they can’t read your mind, so sharing your emotions is essential.
Second, if you feel you have truly done everything to try and communicate with your partner but they don’t want to listen, you need to know your own worth (which comes from healing the relationship with yourself) and knowing when it is time to walk away. If a relationship, with friends or partner, is no longer serving you, you need to have the confidence to walk away, knowing something better is waiting for you.
When I talk about self-love and understanding I don’t necessarily mean blindly loving and accepting ourselves the way we are. Many times self-understanding requires us to reflect and ask ourselves the tough questions, to realize perhaps where we need to make changes in ourselves to be better not only for ourselves but our relationships. What are some of those tough questions that will cut through the safe space of comfort we like to maintain, that our readers might want to ask themselves? Can you share an example of a time that you had to reflect and realize how you needed to make changes?
The simplest way to identify aspects you dislike about yourself and determine when to address them is by recognizing your triggers. When we disagree or get angry about something that someone said or did, it is not that person that we are angry at, it is ourselves. People are just mirrors for how we feel on the inside. Although it might be challenging to accept, the truth is that ‘nobody can make you feel a certain way, you just feel that way’. For example, let’s just say you finally worked up the confidence to change up your hairstyle and you go home and your partner looks at it and says something like ‘oh you changed your hair? It looks, interesting…’. Instantly, you will probably feel hurt, leading many to get mad at their partner for hurting their feelings. However, the mirror here reveals that you don’t actually feel confident and beautiful with your new hair, making that comment sting. They didn’t hurt your feelings; you simply feel hurt. There is such a big difference when you start taking responsibility for how you feel instead of blaming other people. This builds such a strong connection with yourself because you finally start seeing the lessons you need to face in your life.
So many don’t really know how to be alone, or are afraid of it. How important is it for us to have, and practice, that capacity to truly be with ourselves and be alone (literally or metaphorically)?
Learning to be comfortable with spending time with myself was the best thing I could have ever done. I used to hate being alone. I would be so bored or feel nervous because I didn’t know what to do. I just wanted to talk and be around other people’s energy. But the beauty of being alone is that you finally get to learn how to listen to yourself and your body. Letting your brain just be in its own space allows you to be the most creative and you finally get the chance to stop and listen to what you truly want without any distractions. The easiest way for me to look at it is that you get to learn how to be your own best friend. We are taught to search our whole lives for our perfect “soulmate” when in reality, we are our own perfect soulmate. It is so important to love yourself that much because then, you will never feel alone.
How does achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love then affect your ability to connect with and deepen your relationships with others?
My entire friend group changed when I learned to love myself because I was able to see my worth and rid myself of the people who were dragging me down. I am now able to hand-pick the people I want to surround myself with because I know those people will truly lift me up and be there for me when I need them. It is not selfish to no longer be friends with people who bring you down, you are actually providing the best service for yourself when you do that. Life is too short to people please and it is too short to waste, so do what you gotta do to give yourself the best possible life now. Surround yourself with people who not only make you feel amazing, but people you want to help feel amazing too.
In your experience, what should a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?
To foster self-understanding and self-acceptance, individuals should embrace authenticity. In a world filled with inauthenticity, being true to who you are becomes a powerful catalyst. There are way too many fake people out there. As soon as I started being unapologetically myself, the people around me wanted to do the same. No one can force another to change, making the most effective way to instill confidence in others the act of embodying confidence in oneself.
Here is the main question of our discussion. What are 5 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself, that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?
The 5 strategies I have implemented to maintain the connection with myself are:
- Staring at myself in the mirror naked every day and saying “I love you” — This practice has changed my life and I will continue to incorporate it into my daily routine.
- Writing down how I feel — Journaling is such a powerful tool because I am able to unleash all of my feelings and vent. By doing just that, it helps get all of my thoughts in order and helps clear my head. I build a connection with myself because I actually stop and listen to what I am saying, helping me work out the issue.
- Listen to your intuition — This practice can be hard at first but if you start small, you will begin to notice everything will start going right in your life. For example, starting small would be if somebody asked you “Do you want a drink? We have wine or beer.” Instead of saying “Sure, I’ll have whatever you’re having,” stop and actually listen to what you want. Are you craving beer, or wine, or do you not want a drink at all? Your intuition is always talking to you. When you realize what you really want, even with the small things, you will start to trust your decisions so much more. Then, when it comes to big decisions, they won’t feel as scary.
- Take myself out on dates — Sometimes we get frustrated with our partners because we have an “expectation” of them to “woo” us, take us out and give us the dates we “deserve”. Why should we put so much pressure on someone to do something when we can do it ourselves? Expectations will always be a recipe for disaster. Expecting someone to do something is just another reason for your brain to think they did something wrong, when in reality, if you didn’t expect anything, nothing would be wrong. For example, if you want to go on a romantic dinner and your partner never plans it, then you plan it. If they are always busy, then go by yourself. You deserve to get the things that you want, stop waiting for others to give it to you and go get it yourself.
- Stop listening to other people’s opinions — This goes back to listening to your gut. You know what you want, so stop asking other people what they think. It has always done more harm than good. If you decide you do want somebody else’s opinion, make sure you don’t automatically fall into agreement with what they are saying. Just take it in, let it sit, and then make a decision with both opinions in mind.
What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships? What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you?
The book that helped me understand myself the most is ‘The 5 Love Languages’. Once you know yourself, you can then focus on learning about your partner and their needs. It is so powerful to truly know who you are and what you want, because you are able to communicate with your partner how they should love you, and you can do the same for them.
Women Who Run with the Wolves was truly powerful and allowed me to feel a certain sense of calmness while always creating a burning desire to be the wild and free woman that I am. It is one of those books that I come back to, reading new chapters after learning the important lessons it has to offer.
I know myself very well, and I am the kind of person who focuses on learning more about business, success, and self-help books before delving into intimacy and relationships. However, a few things I find dear to my heart about maximizing intimacy with your partner are to: 1) not be scared to communicate your fantasies and 2) be as natural as you can with your period; avoid harsh chemicals, medications, or anything that can affect the full sensations in your sex life.”
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? Maybe we’ll inspire our readers to start it…
I would absolutely LOVE to see everyone live their most authentic and natural life. Happiness comes from within, not what clothes we wear, how much makeup we have on or where we go on holiday… If we all just lived naturally, we would all be so much happier.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote” that you use to guide yourself by?
Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life and how our readers might learn to live by it in theirs?
My favorite ‘life lesson quote’ is: “Everything happens for a reason.” This profound perspective has been transformative for me, serving as a constant reminder that life’s twists are beyond our control. Embracing the belief that every event unfolds in our favor, not against us, is a powerful and magical tool. Life is on your side — trust it, and everything will work out just fine.
Thank you so much for your time and for your inspiring insights!
